Projectile Dysfunction in Humans
The Great Emotional Disconnect! - “Projectile Dysfunction in Humans!”
I would love to offer an insight that I talk deeply into, in my Keynote talks, and especially when I am facilitating my Celebrating Humanity Experience workshops and online webinars, a concept that I believe needs urgent attention and awareness in creating psychological safety in your environment.
Disclaimer Alert - I am not a medical doctor or psychologist, just really interested in human behaviour and these are my observations based on common sense and years of experience working with people!
As a Leadership and Inclusion specialist, I have had the opportunity and privilege to experience so many people from all levels of society, in many Countries globally. From travelling to deep rural communities throughout our precious Country, South Africa, to exploring various Native tribes in America, delighting in European and UK cultures to various countries across Africa over the last 27 years.
I say this, to give context to what I would love to offer as a Golden Nugget worth exploring in your work, social and home environment when it comes to human behaviour.
The key underlying issues that I have noticed, is that many people who are bullies, feel the need to threaten or are dominating, intentional in hurting others and outright manipulative regardless of their status in society, all seem to suffer similar symptoms. “Projectile Dysfunction!”
What I mean by that…is that they feel the need to project their issues on others.
See, the issue starts with lack of self-worth, self-confidence, self-loathing, self-esteem etc…and you start to see a pattern! When a person suffers from a lack or deficiency in any of these areas, they begin to project their insecurities, anger, hurts, traumas, and pain onto the people around them, in the hope that they can draw healing energy, to build themselves up.
It is a fascinating process to watch unfold really. When you know what characteristics to look for, you begin to see people with strong personalities using sarcasm, innuendos and belittling someone to make themselves feel good because they are lacking in some way or other.
These are the toxic environments many fail to assess or diagnose, because we were taught to always deal with symptoms, NOT the Cause! Therein lies the problem.
The symptom of low self-esteem presents itself in conversation, phone calls, emails, tone of voice, body language, nuances in sentences, meetings, get togethers, parties, at home, work, engagements…no place is marked safe from Projectile Dysfunction in humans.
Watch the way they have meetings, and who disciplines a person in front of their peers – “to teach them a lesson.” Have you ever experienced or witnessed that kind of behaviour? Yes…you got it…Projectile Dysfunction for low self-esteem/ low self-worth/personal issues and more. It is posturing of the lowest kind. The same healthy, positive way to address that situation would be to take the person aside and explain the challenge and walk away with a solution focussed mindset. The second a person feels the need to diminish anyone when they have an “audience,” then you know, that they need EQ training, conflict resolution techniques and a lesson on humility. These are the incidents, which create a toxic work environment.
Bullying in the workplace is another classic example, which can also show up in the home too, in the form of psychological, verbal, or physical abuse. We look at the Perpetrators and victims and notice the pattern that could fit them both in numerous ways.
The fine line here, is which way low self-esteem, lack of confidence and self-worth, can show up, for a person. They either seek to minimise themselves with “Timid” demeanour and become people pleasers to gain acknowledgement, praise, or credit for everything they do…. OR…. they become the aggressors or “Intimidators” who seek to fill the gap within by traumatising the Timid people.
That is why we are fighting so much injustice in this World. If we shared more positive vibes, valued people more, shared respect on a daily basis, were kind and thoughtful with our words, actions and habits, were gracious in our giving, and intentional in our communication, then we will drastically reduce the fighting, victims and even suicides around us.
What we are dealing with is a Mindset of scarcity, not abundance. There is enough love, joy, and happiness to flow freely in this world, if these obstacles of self-limiting beliefs were removed daily. This also talks into complacency, old school thinking, trauma responses, fixed mindset and so much more.
Other examples include Posturing from Leaders, like their proverbial, famous “Open Door Policy” where people are petrified to walk through for fear of retribution.
Micro-managing speaks volumes about a person’s inability to let go of control and needing to “control” the way people follow their instructions. The inability to delegate and let go of control, shows the deep need to be the point of reference for decisions, budgets, conversations, ideas, leadership, and more.
This means, that the person seeks attention by demanding it in various forms. Delegation screams trust. If the person themselves lost trust, belief and never gained acceptance in their own lives, then it makes sense that they would seek it in micro-managing how others work or live. There are red flags to understand that just maybe, they have suffered from rejection or have abandonment issues that they are projecting on others.
Sexual innuendos, fat-shaming people, judgemental comments, sarcasm in meetings, switching languages to undermine a colleague or gossiping to intentionally destroy someone’s character. All of this is part of Projecting one’s insecurities on others, to lift themselves up.
These are the red flags that get put into the categories of Narcissism, toxic, erratic, unstable behaviour, strong personality, dominating perfectionist, abrasive, destructive, autocratic, micro-managing and so much more…. the list is endless.
Knowing what you know now, what is solution going forward?
Learning various techniques and tools to guide and support people OUT of this behaviour is the key.
The question is, how much time and effort are you willing to invest in helping these awesome souls, to understand the impact they have on others?
Firstly, we got to take a hard look in the mirror and work out which of these red flags belong to us. Hard to do so, hey! Yep…. we look at our own character flaws first and work out who we are projecting our own self-limiting beliefs on.
Become more observant of the people around you and how they react or respond to you. If you are parent, how present ARE you? If you are in a relationship, how respectful, caring, open, wonderful is it? In business, are you the one who traumatises people with the way you speak, your tone, actions, or broken promises? Are there any of these characteristics coming up for you that you need to be aware off? And that’s ok if it does.
After your initial shock, take a deep breathe and reflect on WHY you do what you do that causes others harm, hurt or pain and create an immediate plan of action. Seek help.
Did YOU feel abandoned, rejected, hurt, or had your trust broken in life? If you are brave enough, take a deep dive into those feelings and back track. Go back as far as possible to work out WHEN it started. And then choose to resolve it, heal it, seek professional help, and let it go.
Invest in:
A Coach - life coach/ executive leadership coach/relationship coach, choose one that fits your personal needs and criteria who help you to set clear boundaries, healthy connections, and EQ development
a trainer, facilitator who has specific experience in skills development for personal growth.
Listening to intentional content, YouTube videos, motivational compilations, ted-talks, books, and professional, inspirational speakers,
Transformational programs designed with sustainable records,
psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist to highlight blind spots and toxic behaviours.
Holistic healing methods that assist in addressing or removing trauma bonding and focussed on healing the Mind, body, and Spirit aspects,
or go to a retreat that works according to your personality or preference,
On-line programs for relationships,
Surveys that give you real insights,
Personality profiling assessments like DISC that gives you full reports to understand yourself, your strengths and room for improvement,
Values based leadership techniques that creates sustainable influence for you in your everyday interactions,
Friends and family that seek to positively impact your life and support you,
Goals that uplift you,
Purpose driven ideologies that allow you to give back meaningfully to society and drives a philanthropic way of life.
And above all, be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion by investing in self-care to realign your mindset in a powerful way!
Read up and study techniques that can alleviate the symptoms by getting to the core issue and removing the cause. Either way, find a way to heal that hurt.
As I said in the beginning, I am NOT a medical doctor, and this is MY insights from experiencing human behaviour over the years of running deeply transformational training and as an Executive Leadership Skills Development Specialist.
Yet my over 27 years of experience has taught me that these are easily resolved, with the right interaction, intervention and more importantly, the right conversation.
I have been dealing with these issues, challenges and disconnect with corporates, individuals and even entire families, who cannot pin-point what the actual problem is.
With my Accelerator program, is realised that a combination of Executive Leadership Skills development, mentoring and coaching, was the golden thread needed to successfully help individuals at senior levels, access the tools they needed to create a stunning journey of self-discovery, whilst also impacting the people around them, in an intentional, focussed way.
What I personally achieved?
Succession Planning that adds value to everyone, especially with Reverse Mentoring systems in place,
Positive Business Etiquette and environments that entices retention of talent,
Engaging conversations that builds a unified voice within organisations,
Solution focussed interactions across departments, levels and individuals,
Conflict resolution techniques that become second nature in approach,
Innovative, agile thinking for an evolving tech driven world needing the human centric input,
Response vs react, emotionally balanced interactions across the board,
Influence and Impact, vs autocratic leadership styles within management teams,
Balance human behaviour with firm foundations of growth, clarity and listening intentionally to Celebrate Humanity and not become entangled in useless training,
Inclusive leadership that invited a psychologically safe space where everyone participated without fear of repercussion,
ROI’s with visible, tangible, measurable data that was sustainable.
I hope that there are some opportunities for you as a reader, to take a deeper look at the behaviours of the people around you, or even look at your own, and consider what needs to change, be challenged or needs to adjust, so that psychological safety at home, at work and in general, is a no-brainer approach.
Here’s to realigning Projectile Dysfunction in Humans!
Specialist Doctorate in Leadership Development (R.E.P.L)
Ps…I would welcome the opportunity to connect and discuss aspects of this article with you and if you feel like reaching out, please do so on the following email: arthiemoore@kileadershipinstitute.com
